My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
