Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
