Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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