hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When are your genitals available?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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