even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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