it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
