I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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