Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
