I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
