Me too!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
