I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
