Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
