the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
