Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
