i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
