you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize