I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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