She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
