mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
