1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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