I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize