He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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