also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
