My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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