sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
