Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
