This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
