grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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