Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize