if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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