So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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