I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
