Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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