I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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