i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize