Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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