True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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