I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
