do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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