We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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