I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
