okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
