pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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