he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
