i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
