So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
