You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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