And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
