dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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