I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
