I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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