Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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