Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
