We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
