I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
