Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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