there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
