how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
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