she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
