I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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