Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
