Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
