i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
