I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i now understand why vodka
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize