You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
