You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
