chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
