I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
