$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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