It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
