thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
