This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
