I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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