my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
