The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
