Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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