I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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