so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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