theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
