I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
