have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
