maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
