Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
