That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
