Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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