I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
