He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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