A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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