He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do vagina's smell?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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