Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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