how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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