I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
