omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
