why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
