Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
