she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
