Plan B is the new Plan A
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
