This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
